whoops i put an offer on a flat............

if lindsay hates it it dont have to go through but omg i wanna live here so bad i just got al distressed and cried a bit on the phone and pretended i needed a sneeze thats why i sounded funny

( ;_; )

JUST LOOK HOW BIG THE ROOMS ARE and the WINDOWS and the STAIRCASE and the GARDEN, ok the carpets and furnitre are fug but who cares, you cna buy new CARPETS, and its like 3 miles away from college if i start there again and all them bookcases in the living room come with it, i asked cos i'm being thoughtful for Lindsay :P and its nowhere NEAR the east thats what he said. i done all what he told me to do so now i want this one, its near holland park. i aint even saying how much it costs, its a good thing my boyfriends a billionaire thats all i'm saying. i want to live here and i wont ever ask for NOTHING again for my whole life i swear. this womans meant to ring back in a bit to say if its ok then idk lindsay will have to deal with it cos theres probs soliciters and shit you need to do what i dont know nothing about and he works in property and stuff so he knows but I CANT SIT STILL OH HELP. ok packing more stuff out my room, I AINT GOT ENOUGH SUITCASES. the menfolk need to get all the crap in the attic cos theres moths up there and i'm a delicate flower



i feel sick

DECEMBER 1ST is when we are all coming back to civilisation, me and lindsay and pete and stitch. if we aint got a place by then we're putting things in storage and living in a hotel til its sorted or Lindsays house in wales cos i said i dont even want a christmas present, i want my present to be NOT being here for christmas. (ps i want presents too). but everythings getting packed NOW NOW NOW and in like 1 WEEK we will be in london

IN CONCLUSION: LONDON.





shit but what about lovecattt? :(

this is actualy my face right now:

:D

lindsay says its up to me to find a flat in london and sort out viewings and stuff cos he dont wanna deal with people no more :DDDD he shouldnt of sold his business, he dont trust other estate agents, he just dont like people in general ;) so yeah i got this massive list longer than lindsays penis and now it just needs sorting through, i aint alowed to look at nothing easter than chalk farm so that sucks but it dont matter, theres still a buttload of wicked places. so now i spose we get this old chapel house in the country if lindsay still likes it when we see it?? but also a flat in london cos lindsay says 2+ hours is too long to drive for uni twice a day. so i spose i'm going back there too?? my head is spiiiiiiiiiiiinnnn like tasmanian devil, i need to ring people up or write or somethign and see if i'm alowed to just start from year 2 or if i have to do the 1st year again, i finished that before but it was that summer when all the kidnap drama happened then i moved in with lindsay and never went back. so AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH i dont even know whats going on but i know its GOOD and i love him. :) :) :)

this house is full of happy faces, its like games day in infant school

is this jazz? i think its jazz. :( everybody i like goes shit in the end

so Lindsays seen this house he likes, he was telling me about it the other day and it sounds ok. "ok" being "not in wales or manchester or france", its in wiltshire tho. but i put wiltshire and olly's house in google maps and it says 2 hours 13 mins for driving so yeah. ok. if thats where he wants to live. i dont care. its his money anyway

its gonna be well weird not living here no more. i whinge all the time i know but it aint so bad realy and now i KNOW we are moving soon i dont mind it so much. like when we first moved in it was all dead exciting like being on holiday, it kind of feels like that again a bit? helps having extra people here i spose, it aint so quiet no more. maybe i just wont be happy nowhere cos i change my mind about stuff too much. bet they aint got mountains like this in wiltshire with snow on top and caves and waterfalls like out lord of the rings.

blah blah i dont even know what i'm saying no more. its just cos we been out driving a lot and i remember to LOOK at the place now and not just wish it dont exist. its nice here and yeah i will miss it in a way but i still dont ever want to leave england ever again for the whole rest of my life. theres all this STUFF i want to do, like i was thinking about it before just asuming we would be in london cos of wishful thinking then i could go back to lcf and finish my degree and get a job in the same bar as olly and my life would be ace. i dont realy care, i dont have to get a degree, it aint like i need one anyway its only cos people thought i couldnt do it. i dont need a job neither but i want to DO something, its been like over 2 years since me and Lindsay started living together and i love it and yeah i aint driving round in my beautiful Ferrari pretending like i dont think its brilliant having this rich boyfriend who spoils me rotten and buys me anything i want :P but enough is enough cos donna summer says so. i want to DO SOMETHING and if it aint in london i will have to do something in fuckin wiltshite instead but i dont know what, there probably aint that many fashion colleges or rock clubs round there. its cool tho, exciting and lots of plans and stuff

yorkshire accents are funny, like stitch wants to put his thumb up asians. BACK TO THE WALL OLLY, BACK TO THE WALL.

haha cos that werent awkward at all. even if i didnt understand all of it

10:38 and there still in the garden...... should i take them coffee or tea or somethign?? lindsay says no

10:41 ok i'm taking them tea

10:43 lmao now lindsays sat on me so i cant, fuckin hell he's heavy my eyes just went like this

10:44 haha now i'm in trouble HAHA

10:58 in my room where its safe

11:02 my hairs too big, if i try and peek out the window its just gonna be 2 little eyes and a big black mop, i would make a shit spy

11:11 i'm wrapped up in my saris, theres a hole in them all thats how come i cant use them for proper clothes, its just raggy old off cuts like curtains. SNEAKY LIKE AN INDIAN NINJA peeking through a glory hole

11:17 OMG BUSTED, LMAO. ok best stop it now, aint fun being a nosy bitch when you been spotted. hello pete and stitch, please dont bring no more bad feeling into OUR house ;) xxxxxxx

change some details, print some of these off

LMFAO! "where the fuck is that fat bastard now? i've got some serious shit to deliver and if i'm late the fat controller will rape me again"



almost as ace as Pete letting me put him in a dress and hair ribbons ;) pics might be sold, make your offer (blowjobs are the only currancy) he looked pretty, he's all little and delicate, he's smaller than me the BASTARD and not so hairy. :( little waist, makes me sick. cant walk in heels tho ;)

3 bed flat 2,495,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=39&property_id=639756&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

5 bed house 2,250,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=39&property_id=643521&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

2 bed flat 2,150,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=202&property_id=620725&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

1 bed flat/work space 1,999,950 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=202&property_id=704207&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

3 bed flat 1,800,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=39&property_id=697514&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

2 bed house 1,495,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=202&property_id=680097&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

4 bed house 1,399,950 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=39&property_id=661267&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

2 bed flat 1,325,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=202&property_id=654757&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

4 bed house 1,300,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=202&property_id=674720&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

4 bed house 999,000 BARGAIN ;) http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=202&property_id=476218&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

5 bed house and shop 950,000 http://www.foxtons.co.uk/search?location_ids=39&property_id=653187&search_form=map&search_type=SS&submit_type=search

ok i know they are all london but i'm just LOOKING. they are all posh places too cos Lindsays a snob and wont live somewhere grotty

olly aint that place on your road still for sale?? or make loads of noise so the next door people move out then we can knock a door through and live there ;)


our pools empty for winter but its filling up with leaves instead and now its raining too. autumns nice, i feel like painting it but all my stuffs in my room and petes sleeping. i'm making a playlist of songs to listen to when thigns are shit. not that things are realy shit but happy music never hurt no one. course my happy music is like s club and take that and the sweet so its probs depressing as fuck for everyone else. shut your face, i was a kid in the 90s, i was 16 in 2004 and thats a fuckin awful time to be 16

i love this so hard, i miss being in a band



i might go and sit on pete til he lets me dress him up like a barbie, i'm so fuckin bored and no one else feels like puting up with me

haha olly one day i'm giving joseph my 45 of this song for his birthdy or christmas but he aint old enough to apreciate it yet ;) i still dont think ANYONE is ready for this or deserves it.....

we should DO SOMETHING today, its a bit cold but its gonna piss down tommorrow so we should DO SOMETHING and we should also DO SOMETHING at the weekend when its proper nice and sunny

we should fill my car with picnic food and explore the mountains and try and find caves with dragons in and buried treasure. haha actualy Lindsays cos cos mines only got 2 seats unless stitch and lindsay want to borrow one of my roller skates each and i can tie a tow rope on the back



random but this song is so sexy it burnsss

dont get me wrong i LOVE having pete and stitch here. this aint about them. what i'm scared is if lindsay says "see philip, london aint a very nice place, lets rule that out". which yeah ok fair enough maybe sometimes it aint very nice. but it aint the same. i dont wanna get into details or nothing cos it aint my place to say but i seen him looking at them when he thinks no ones paying attention and he aint angry or nothing, just its weird. cos all that shit what happened i told you about, it was bad enough for me and i still get nightmares and stuff but i aint the one who got shot you know?? it werent ME stuck in bed for months nearly dead from it getting infected cos we werent alowed to go to hospital cos they would of asked questions. so i wont pretend this aint just me being a massive selfish cunt. like we come here to get AWAY from violence for a bit then here i am with my big bleeding heart flying my mates over to get them away for a bit too but that aint fair on lindsay I KNOW. i understand why he dont wanna go back to england/wales at all and i'm TRYING to be patient and let him work it all out on his own and stop being scared cos he IS scared even if he will swear blind he aint. but swear to god its killing me here, its just worse having pete and stitch here cos its just like reminding me yeah sometimes horrible stuff happens but at least STUFF HAPPENS. haha which makes me feel like shit like i'm being JEALOUS of what happened just cos it would be a fuckin change of pace. i'm dying here. i'm crawling up the walls. i feel like i'm goign crazy. like not emo brat crazy or melodramatic princess crazy. honest to god cant stop crying sometimes miserable sick CRAZY. its so pretty here, the mountains and all the fields and little french houses with shutters and the cathedral with all this old 12th century murals on the walls. i want it bombed flat. i hate it here but i would still rather be here than in london if lindsay wants to stay here. which makes me a STUPID BITCH doormat i know i know. but god. choosing is like picking if you want killed by hanging or firing squad, either way your dead. so what i might say to lindsay is lets TRY london for how long i lived in llandudno with him which is like 10 months or something. and if he hates it after that we can go anywhere in the world he wants and i swear i wont complain. i just want to try. compromise aint a good thing, either way someones getting fucked. there aint no middle ground

ok i'm finished being a self obsessed whingey little BITCH now when everyone else has got real problems. how are you xxx

we made ice lollies earlier :D which lindsay says is stupid cos its winter but wtf. ice lollies are good ALL times of year o.O

uh i hope everyones ok, pete and stitch are staying over for a bit so thats why i aint been around much, got to be a good hostess

things i'm scared of cos nobody in this fucking house TALKS

1) what if lindsay dont want pete and stitch here cos, well we come here to get AWAY from that shit right?? 1b) if lindsay uses this for an example and goes like "see how dangerous london is, lets move to milton keynes" i will run him over with my car

2) its good just hanging out but i dont know how to make things better, maybe it helps just being here but i want to take it all away and bury it in a pit and i dont know how

3) think stitch still hates me

have you ever been at a party where even when you see peoples facebook pics of you chugging a bottle of wine/doing beyonces crazy in love dance on a podium while dressed like zombie danny zuko/ climbing out a window with your friends boyfriend and walkign round a ledge 2 floors up clinging on the wall like spiderman cos someone dared you a franc to do it when FRANCS DONT EVEN WORK AS MONEY NO MORE, even when you see the facebook pics proving you done all that you DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING??

no me neither >.>

my sleeps all out cos i was up all halloween night then slept all day so i'm wide awake now. pete and stitch are coming to stay for a bit, dont know what we're doing or nothing but its nice here if you dont live here, its dead fun for like 2 weeks when you never been before. my bedrooms a mess but it aint too bad long as they dont take the yard stick out from the wardrobe handles cos thats the only thing keeping it closed so shit dont all burst out like a bomb. me and lindsay aint alowed to argue while they are here cos i wont have another room to go and sulk in, spose i could lock myself in the bathroom or something. no this is us being domestic. me and my boyfriend in OUR ROOM and our house guests in the SPARE ROOM. i feel like a grown up :P



i want to be her when i grow up please god.

might make some more coffee, no point going to bed if i aint sleepy cos i will only disturb Lindsay and make him grumpy

ok so if sam dont know whats going on it aint just me. spose thats a good thing, i always feel like i'm fucking up or i done soemthing horible without even knwoing and thats why some people get to know secrets and i dont. selfish spoilt brat etc like people OWE me explanations its so stupid. but i worry like someones mum and my brain goes like this: 7 year itch condensed into 9 months cos everything is faster on the internet and maybe he is just sick of your fuckin whingeing when your living in eden with your rich boyfriend and red ferrari and everyone exept you's got ACTUAL problems to worry about. cos seriously i would get on my nerves if i wasnt trapped in this skin, i always just asume people think i'm a tosser. and i would be worried and freaking out but jones said dan said he knew whats going on so if SOMEONE knows then it aint that massive right? idk. to email or not to email that is the question, whether its nobler in the mind to suffer the bitchfits and self pity of outragous selfishness or to take arms againt a sea of other people secrets and by kicking off end them

only wankers make private posts

resevoir dogs was on last night and its like my 3rd fave film of all time after bonnie and clyde and the sting so i kept it on cos it werent even dubbed in french it had subtitles and i can ignore them but it gave me a panic attack like proper cold sweats and everything. fml, another film ruined. HAHA but then lindsay was watching the thick of it on his laptop cos he is OBSESSED, i dont realy get it cos politics gives me narcolepsy but i like the insults "you take the piss out of al jolson again and i will remove your ipod from it's tiny nano sheath and push it up your cock, then i'll plug some speakers up your arse and put it onto shuffle with my fuckin fist, then every time i hear something i dont like, which will be every time something comes on, i will skip to the next track by crushing your balls" WOW i'm taking lessons off that angry man, he's class <3

so yeah panic attack and lols cancel each other out, average night

i'm not alowed to be a pink lady for halloween cos they aint got enough boys anyway XD like there boyfriends are spoilsports LIKE MINE and wont dress up so i'm being the token t bird i spose. i drove through some mud yesterday then put my t shirt and jacket on the road and drove over that XD so its dry now, today i need to paint blood and squishy organ bits into the tyre tracks

( boooored )

well i call my brown bff ollywog and he calls his bent bff princess so i cant realy......

LMAO talking of olly his sister may ella just said on facebook she might upload old pics if she can find them cos thats the only thing i miss about living at home is old photos and stuff. my family and there family all went to butlins in that armpit skegness like every year, me and olly won the talent competition when we was 7 doing this and i wanna show people what a nerdy speccy four eyes he was when he was little and how much i looked like a fraggle


i decided i AM going to that halloween party with my friends in toulouse, we're dressing up like t-birds and pink ladies if they all died in the thunder road crash and came back like zombies. like bleeding tyre tracks and everything. and if Lindsay wants to come he can and if he dont want to come thats ok. he can be on his own for ONE night, i shouldnt feel bad just cos i want to go out

so yeah :D

i want to play a game. heres what happens if you lose. the device your wearing is hooked into your upper and lower jaw. when the timer in the back goes off your mouth will be permanantly ripped open. think of it like a reverse bear trap. here i'll show you......

i'm actualy not kidding.



its raining and everythings grey and miserable and i hate my life, Lindsay bought me a new dancemat cos mine broke but i dont even want to play, i dont want to go out driving or paint or knit or read or watch dvd's or play nintendo or go for a walk or NOTHING and he says thats just me being difficult and i cant complain about being bored if i dont want to do nothing which yeah thats true but i just fucking hate it when its GREY everywhere, i cant stand it.

pete you arsehole, your worrying sam, he's a delicate flower and that aint fair. get online or pick up the phone and talk to him (and me please x)

i fuckin hate this cat sometimes, it just tripped me downstairs and i swear i've broke 2 of my fingers, there all swollen and it HURTS an theres no ice cos i had it all in my malibu and cokes last night

i'm so bored i just sat in the bath and cried like a bratty little girl. still bored, it didnt help

someone get me a pirate copy of dr parnassus please cos i cant go and watch it in toulouse or whatever cos it will all be dubbed in french WHICH I CANT TALK or it will have subtitles and i cant read and watch moving pictures at the same time. terry gilliam + johnny depp + tom waits = i cant watch it in public anyway, lindsay will have to mop me up and carry me home in a bucket

haha speaking of toulouse my friends irene and marie whose my old boss's daughters say there mate bob (LMAO BOB least french name ever but they say he is french) is having a halloween party and do i want to go with them. UH YES. need a costume tho. still might not go, i dont like leaving lindsay on his own and i bet he wont come specialy if its costume, but he is invited too but they are all younger than me even so i bet he wont.

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored

i might go for a drive up the mountains and put the roof down and play music dead loud cos theres nobody round to complain. will that start an avalanche??? ooh i like experiments

( eta )

WOO happy birthday jones!!! :D :D so i meant meant to post you something but idk if postman pats still on strike and if it got stuck in some warehouse somewhere and lost i would cry so hard. so i will bring it next time me and lindsay come over :P anyway its this, i spoilt it now but i dont like secrets anyway :P it aint exactly that cos thats what i did for lindsay and he wont wear so i kept them but its basicaly the same XD space invaders ftw HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY!!

i got bored today but i couldnt go back in the attic cos theres a fucking massive moth in there and it wants to eat my braaaaaains so i dragged all the shit out the pantry instead to sort out (lol we got a PANTRY i never had one of them in my life, feels well middle class when you grown up in a flat where food lives on the counter top cos the cupboards all full of my mums medicine, i mean vodka) and theres all this alchol from fuck knows when, like half finished bottles and stuff. so i been making up cocktails, winner so far is creme de cacao and creme de menthe and malibi with cointrau in it and disaronno and baileys, its like mashed up ice cream except it sets your belly on fire. MAGIC

my paid account run out yesterday i got on just now and whats the first ad i see right at the top of my page???

( wankers. )

so yeah. lettuce and crackers 3 meals a day cos if even my lj is telling me i'm a big fat fuck what hope have i got??? but haha @ mcracken, i'm changing my name to that cos then i will be phil mccracken


anyway i been busy, funny you can be busy when you aint got a job or friends or nothing but its like there aint enough time to do stuff when realy i aint doing nothing at all. i been helping lindsay sort through all his shit, he acts on like he's all organised and stuff but realy he just shoves thigns in the attic and expects the attic fairy to spirit it away, well now I am the attic fairy and i'm spiriting it away into the river if he dont tell me whats for keeping and whats for throwing out

i want to finish my degree i think. its not JUST cos that will mean living in london not wales :P but that helps, i only stopped after my first year cos that shit all kicked off and i moved in with lindsay, i never stopped cos i didnt like it or i was shit at it or nothing, i always feel stupid and pointless but thats stupid on it's own cos i got A's in my a levels, thats good right?? even if it was like art and poncing round on stage not maths and spelling a is still a, i aint stupid i;m just a different kind of clever, i bet bill gates cant tailor a perfect 3 piece suit, i bet einstien didnt know all the words claudius says in that piece of crap hamlet. haha baby rant, ignore me. i just keep feeling like a big fat useless failure cos i still cant talk to people in town properly, i mean they are all nice and everything but its like it must be anoying when someones got a stammer and people keep finishing sentnces for them thinking its being helpful you know?? so i'm like "je voudrais.......... ummm......" in a shop and the womans like "fromage?? pain?? lait??? un bon coupe de pied au cul parce que tu est un stupid fucking englishman" and it just gets me down :( stupid, i know other people get real problems and my worst problem is feeling a bit embarresed in a shop cos i forgot the words for pork chops. i just want to DO SOMETHING i know i can do well cos fuck knows there aint that many things i know i can do well

sooooo yeah. and i dont want to be a brat and have a tantrum and demand it all my way but i aint rolling over like a puppy neither. i hate being out of london, its like in hdm when you cant be seperated from your daemon cos its your soul and it hurts if you get too far away from her, thats me and london like siamese twins joined at the hearts. BUT saying that if i had to live it over again i would still drop it all to be with Lindsay cos being miserable in france with him is still better than being happy in london without him so maybe i should just shut my fat mouth and find some actual problems to worry about

aww my pets have moved on :( such a laugh, i told them stay in touch OR ELSE. we went out in town last night (LOL "out in town" like its london size or something not basicaly a hole in the ground with some frogs living in it) and did shots and got wankered, good times. embarresed myself but oh well whats new there. i been sleeping most of today my head was splitting but Lindsay made me a bacon sandwich so its ok now :D <3 i aint even got dressed, not much point now. pants and socks and lindsays shirt and bed hair, nice

we been talking about moving :) well ok ARGUEING cos obvs i want to live in london and Lindsay wants to live up north again like wales/chester/manc where his mum and mates are, we got anoyed fighting and said ok then lets live in the middle but the middle between llandudno and london is BIRMINGHAM and fuck off, no thank you very much. so i dont realy know whats going on. its good its happening :) :) just need to sort out details now, i said lets get a shag pad in london and be sometimes there and sometimes in his house in llandudno and i can go to london and see olly and everyone if i want but he got all arsey like "if you want to be with olly not me why dont you just go and move into that big house with him" LOL. missing the point a bit but ok i aint fighting no more, if people want to be jealous when theres no reason thats there problem not mine and i aint tip toeing round peoples feelings no more cos all i ever do is go starry eyed over Lindsay and if that aint good enough i cant do nothing else so why worry.

haha i'm whingeing again. i dont mean it, i'm in a good mood realy. :D its getting a bit colder, its nice. our pools getting emptied tommorrow cos we dont use it much anyway, its good for lindsays arm swimming but he dont like getting wolf whistled at and i dont like swimming anyway just posing and whats the point if theres no one else there. he says no cannonballs but just swimming round in circles for hours is so fuckin BORING

i'm looking on google maps for other places kind of in the middle but they are all a bit shit. :/ i aint living in coventry or fucking DERBY. leicesters ok, i was a slave boy carrying bags and stuff for the princess girls at this drag competition in leicester one year XD and i had the best chinese of my whole life there, like i bet even better than CHINA. ummm worcester?? :/ idk. i dont mind llandudno, its nice there



thats the view off Lindsays bedroom balcony, it aint even real

so yeah. wales is ok, bit welsh but better than france :P and less tiring to drive to london

it feels like breakfast time cos i slept all wrong, i need more bacon

lmao D:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17045

just cos i bought like 20 thigns off them this one time they keep emailing me shit like this like i even WANT "a wheel of ten teasing tongues that will lap you to orgasm time and time again"

some of us have boyfriends :P

:)

i made some friends this morning, i cant beleive it. i was helping our neighbour (haha neighbour, you have to walk like 20 minutes befre your even off our land onto his) with his car and there was these 2 hikers all done up in there nice anoraks and walking sticks and rucksacks so yve (sp? sounds like Eve but i know theres a y in it and it cant be evey or yeev or something, yeev dont look french) said peut etre ils veut acheter du lait ou des oeufs ou camper sur son terrain (i probs got that well wrong but whatever, i'm getting there tho :P) cos people sometimes do (haha lindsay we should get chickens and cows and let people camp in our orchard, proper family business :P) but then they got closer and they were talking to each other in ESSEX ACENTS oh my god i could of kissed them but i didnt cos they were women. omg tho. ENGLISH GIRLS IN ST LIZIER, i nearly pissed myself. anyway they are camping and doing research on pilgrimage trails or something?! lol i didnt know we was on a pilgrimage trail, thats hilarious. i might dress up like a sphinx and sit on the road and make people do tests before there alowed in. they aint religious its history degree i think they said, anyway so i got a hot date with two girls today, i'm taking them to the cathedral this afternoon to look at the fresco's :p (they are like 45, nobodys getting shagged, its ok) anette from chelmsford and caroline from DAGENHAM <3 i love my life today

our house is way up on the hill (our adress is ferme colline which i know ferme is farm but i thought colline was like someones name?? so its like colins farm or whatever XD but colline means hill, we live in hill farm which is quite boring, i might rename it angrenost or la dolorosa cos i wish my life was a fantasy novel with viggo mortensen and prostitutes who get off on razorblades (i've been reading too much lately, i need new books, lindsays are shit but i read all mine like 2 times now and thats dumb cos i know what happens) anyway this is town from the edge of our land, thats another 20 mins walk from the house, thats how rich Lindsay is ;)



cant complain realy :)

omg i cant believe i'm hanging out with women from home HERE. i am so excited its unreal, i might kidnap them and keep them as pets



there are way too many brackets in this post

peter pan GREW UP

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/39849010.html

troy upsets me, most of them are dead funny though XD would sleep with everyone exept that troy and gaston

things decided today....

1) working in the sewer would be the worst job ever unless your a poo fetishist

2) drinking jizz like yakult in the morning wouldnt be very nice or spreading it on your brevile toasty like butter, but whisking it up like egg white to see if you can make jizz merangues is an experiment that needs doing

3) new swings are cool but your garden wont be Kid Heaven til you get a seesaw and pool with water slide

4) kate beckingsale is fit enough to excuse pearl harbor (nb jury was not unanamous on this)

5) nice boys do there 1st wet dream over catwoman not giles off buffy

6) its ok to fancy teenage lesbians if the actresses aint realy teenagers

7) if you have sex with someones mum her sons alowed to kill you, thats the law

8) ewoks are nice


so says pipsqueak and ollywog. haha its like a non pc kids tely programm.



i been listening to lots of janis joplin lately, dont know why, i was always a little bit in love with her <3 i forget sometimes then i remember and i cant listen to nothing else for like 2 weeks

J'ai tant rêvé de toi qu'il n'est plus temps sans doute que je m'éveille. Je dors debout, le corps exposé à toutes les apparences de la vie et de l'amour et toi, la seule qui compte aujourd'hui pour moi, je pourrais moins toucher ton front et tes lèvres que les premières lèvres et le premier front venu.



yeah so, back in france :) its nice this time of year, i aint been here in autumn yet, feels weird we aint even been here a year. lindsay let me drive a bit yesterday cos he was tired, SCORE. thats like 3 times in my whole life he let me drive his car, it must be love. its dead quiet here. i wish we didnt have a jag and a ferrari cos there GOOD and theres never nothing wrong with them, if you got a shit old banger that wastes loads of time mucking around with it. i might go in town and see if theres any crap old knackered cars for sale just for somethign to do, i like cars, its like a massive 3d jigsaw puzzle :P i been taking engines apart since i was old enough to pass spanners and stuff to my grandad, i aint a TOTAL girl you know

oooooor just sit here and twiddle my thumbs. lindsays still asleep, lazy fucker. i might go and jump on him or cook bacon and dont let him have none

DUH guess

olly saved my life like 17 billion times, how melodramatic is THAT?? i mean it tho, even the times he never knew of, like he talked me off the roof tons of times but also the only reason i never took an overdose or cut my wrists open is cos of him, i googled hwo to do it properly and everything like 4 times and i swear it werent even looking for atention or nothing, sometimes i just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up but i dont know how to make that happen so stanley knife up your arm or your big groin artery right?? but when it actualy come to it i never did it cos i didnt want him finding the mess. lmao emo bitch. i just got miserable sometimes and he always made it ok even without knowing, anyway i couldnt kill myself cos every time i wanted to he only went and had another baby then i wanted to hang around and help and warp it's little mind to be a bowie fan from birth :P which is good now. people killign themselfs is so horrible cos even if you think lifes shit and nothings ever getting better that aint true. even dumb little stuff like i had my "dear world, this is a 2348027 page list of why you fuckers made me want to die, love pip xxxx" letter and a new scalpel out my art box and a hot bath and ziggy stardust on the cd player cos i was gonna do it at rock and roll suicide LMAO god i'm such a twat. nobody should ever be 15, its a stupid age. yeah but then olly txted about can i give him his shirt back what i borowed so i was like ok maybe i will do it next week instead..... my lifes so stupid, i spose i AM a brainless atention seeking emo brat, but people talk on as if you get like that cos its good fun when that aint true, you get like that cos your FUCKING MISERABLE, i always had friends but i dont get ont hat good with people sometimes cos i get on there nerves or they didnt wanna hang out with me cos then they would get beat up like by proxy just for being mates cos our school was full of wankers like that, if you got long hair and you wear nail paint and dont care who knows your gay then you need a punch and if you condone it you also need a punch, like that. you ever GENUINELY got your head flushed?? grim. all my black dye come out cos it was the 1st time i tryed black and it wasnt permanent. i wasnt alowed to get changed for pe in the same changing room as everyone else "for my own safety" HAHA what fucked up kind of world is that. i got decked in the changing room this 1 time cos aparently i looked at ben hynes's arse when he was getting changed which i NEVER, how come straight teenage boys always think there gonna get raped when there actualy the grossest spottiest lepers in the world!? like dream on mate. so yeah my pe teacher and my head teacher got me in the office and basicaly said stop being such an obvious fairy if i didnt want battering, i was like fuck you i aint hurting nobody, it aint up to me to fake liking fanny, its up to them to stop being thugs innit?? so i had to get changed in the teachers toilets form then on..... thats called segregation kids. so then olly started coming with me then we skived off and just sat in there smoking cos the smoke alarm was disabled, we know the teachers tricks XD

aahh i'm rambling, why am i going on!? haha i always go on like my lifes been SHIT when its ok realy, everyone gets bad stuff happening but theres good stuff too, like me and olly started our band and it was GOOD when everyone was just like lmao yeah as if you can do anything with your life. and we looked after the babies when there mum's needed days off so they didn't crack up and kill everyone. an this one time i was on holiday with his family in cornwall and we got bored, it was pontins or haven or something and the clubhouse was fuckin borign and full of nobs so we got in my mini and we drove to john o groats just cos we could and slept in the car and come bck again the next day, ollys mum battered him for running off without telling XD but it was still like the BEST holiday ever just cos we had loud music on and it was sunny, we made up this mental song about pole vaulting to lindisfarne cos it looked close enough from the road, and olly mooned a trucker out the window then we got chased down like in a horror film, this massive lorry and this angry face man right up our arse and my mini wouldnt go that fast so i was like stomped down on the pedal screaming but it was FUNNY too, maybe we was hysterical from fear on second thought XD

anyway tl;dr so short version is i love olly and all them mental women who keep hurting him need to fuckin watch out cos one day i will actualy snap and i will scoop out there eyes with teaspoons. i love Lindsay too but its a diferent sort of love and i like with Lindsay how me and him keep learning stuff about each other like we are stil on page 1 of a massive epic book, its like constantly exciting wondering whats the next thing i get to learn even small nothing stuff like what colour his bike was when he was 7 and how he got the tiny scar on his bum cheek :P but olly me and him know EVERYTHING, idk maybe that will get boring eventualy :P but i dont think so, that would be like getting bored of myself and then i realy would have nothing to keep on living for so no.

Lindsays mum come to London for a bit so thats cool, he wouldnt talk t me for like a day cos i took her out in camden rock and we did shots and she actualy dared to dance when everybody knows if your over 30 your washed up and useless and you shouldnt even dare trying to have fun cos that aint alowed..... apparantly. i dont knw how he thinks sometimes, he said she's an embarassment but aint it far more worse to be ashamed of yourself or something? fuck that, i will still go out dancing when my face looks like a walnut and i cant stand up without a zimmer frame and he can just fucking put up with it, he's somehow the oldest man i know and he's only like 43, i dont know how he does it :P its them fucking brown cardi's, they muck up your mind. there getting burnt, just wait and see. i cant believe i'm this in love with a man who wears brown cardi's on purpose. urgh my skin is crawling >.< anyway yeah now his mums gone home so i guess we go home tommorrow or whatever, he aint said much more about moving back but its been talked about now and promised, he cant take it back :P i dont mind, i just like knowing theres SOMETHING sort of happening, i dont mind hanging on for however long til he feels ok enough to move jusst so long as i know it will happen

Olly: were the fuck are you? XD

me: I WENT TO THE TOILET, DO YOU NEED A DIAGRAM?? :P

Olly: I JUST WANT YOU TO BE NEAR AT ALL TIMES XD

me: lmao even when i'm having a poo??? you sicko :P

Olly: well....no

me: ok good cos even i dont want to be near me then

Olly: we all POO princess XD

me: XD
i bet the queen doesnt

Olly: I bet she's the worse

me: i bet the queen gets it opped away like a cesarian

Olly: upper class poo
urgh

me: i bet the queens poo is royal blue

Olly: you're so gross <3
post man pats is red

can you get adopted if your over 18?? cos i want Ollys and Lindsays mums to be mine

its always weird being in london cos i keep seeing people i use to know or i get scared of seeing people i use to know, like it thought it wouldnt be so bad no more since Ollys moved cos i would never have to go back to that pustule we grew up in but... oh whoops yeah I FORGOT his mum and sisters still live in the block :/ i wanted to give them money and stuff but idk people are always too proud. like i been bugging olly since we was 15 to take money and that cos my dad gave me 2 million right in my bank when they won (fucking cheapskate 2 out of 21 million!) and i was like..... you got babies, HAVE SOME MONEY COS I WILL JUST BUY MORE BOOTS I AINT GOT ENOUGH FEET AND DAYS IN THE YEAR TO WEAR but he wouldnt cos he wants to do things himself, the whole familys like that, fuckin stubborn :P so i sent flowers round cos i never know what to do. i feel like survivour guilt or whatever its called. i never EARNT no money, i just got it from luck from my dad being a gambler and then from letting this rich old man do things to me :P <3 ah i dont mean it, i would still be with him if he had no money. come on he LOOKS like he aint got no money, nobody should own that many brown cardigans and cords :P theres better dressed crack tramps in pissy shop doorways i swear to god (this rant bought to you by the letters D, I, A, and F (his brown cardis not him)) ummm i cant even remember what i was saying. anyway yeah i hate going back there :( i hate thinking they still have to LIVE there specialy when soph and may ella got there own kids now too. oh well, they keep talking about goin on x factor XD that could work. i mean i cant see why its better getting money for being bummed by simon cowel over getting money off me but there lifes innit. i just feel bad you know?? like lounging round a £862.50 a night hotel suite and driving round europe in ferrari's and jags and only doing a job cos i was bored not cos i needed to pay bills when 3 of my fave people in the world are stuck in that filthy colon. i hate it, i feel dead bad, i know i'm just lucky and i shouldnt whinge over nothing but it well bothers me if people need stuff and wont take it

haha oh yeah and my uncle matts ex wife works in harrods in the food bit and tbh thats the only reason i would GO to harrods cos the ice cream is lush and theres the jellybean shop. so i aint going there cos she will only gossip, Lindsays mum always wants to go in but i have to wait in starbucks or go somewhere else cos i just dont wanna deal with it you know?? if i could rub my family all out like wrong pencil lines on your drawing i would. like i dont wanna KILL them or nothing (i use to but not realy no more) but i just wish they didnt exist. london is like the garden of eden just with more office blocks in, i swear i could stay in london forever for the whole rest of my life and i wouldnt get bored i love it here so much. but they poison it even if i never see them, just KNOWING they live here all the time and i dont makes me so fuckin mad cos they dont deserve it, they should live in fuckin RHYL or something or lughborough or salford or blenau ffestiniog, just not a nice big house in hampstead they onyl bought cos the estate agent woman said its near keats house like they even know who keats IS

argh fuck it. i shouldnt actualy come back to london at all cos it messes with my head, i always end up in a shit mood then i want to jump off the roof again

1) english maths science history geography tech it re pe
2) art

just to BLOW EVERYONES MINDS with suprise.


anyway HEY DAJVE?? what if i knit one of these in like silver lurex or something, it would look like chain mail then XD (and a knitted gimp mask *ROLLING*) this ones even better, i'm making lindsay one. nom x 17 billion, the only thing that could make it better is if it had candy necklace beads strung on............. brb going to the sweetshop.

everything on here is hilarious XD AS IF you would ever wear knitted thong! o.O HAHA i'm so making a knitted suspender belt if i ever go back on stage at princess XD

uh speaking of which OLIVER if your recovered enough your coming out with me before i go home please and anybody else who wants, i'm scabbing up nice so i can dance again if i wear my old boots :P it dont have to be drag or nothing, just OUT ok??

ollys house is class :) i'm dead happy, I LOVE IT and i love seeing him happy. he works so fucking hard like NONE of the wanker dads off our estate bother. ok theres lots of good people there just trying to get on with life and shit but theres a LOT of twats, theres enough twats for people to just like ASSUME girls get knocked up and nevr see the dads again you know?? so then when he sticks round and actualy ends up with full custody of 3 of them cos 2 of his babymamas are MENTALISTS everyones like o.O like its something mad or weird, he's been through shit for like 7 years and he never asks for nothing. so yeah. HAHA its fuckin massive i cant beleive it hardly, i mean the rooms are a bit cosy but its still like 4 floors not counting attic and cellar and 7 bedrooms!! we never even got a house that big when my mum and dad won the lottery XD cos there was only 3 of us, bit different when you need dad bedroom and sammy bedroom and lillian bedroom and daisy bedroom and joe bedroom and guest bedroom and PIPS BEDROOM :D :D :D haha the main selling point of this house is the yellow bedroom, i knew that second he needed that one cos i wanted that bedroom for my guest room XD also its on BATTY STREET and that still makes me fuckin ROLL, i'm dead jealous i wanna live on batty street cos i would apreciate it so much more.

anywayyy i'm rambling but its just cos i'm happy :)



LOOK AT THAT hahaha oh god <3 olly you ever paint over that and i'm cutting off your balls, i love it. Lindsay dont like it specialy when he drunk too much, we're in the mayfair again (not the pink schiaparelli room either :/ spoilsport) which is nice cos people call me sir and they do lush strawberry daquiri's even at like 4am (i tested early mornign response times cos i'm a cunt.)

i cant remember if i told everyone or just like olly and pete and jones but me and lindsay are moving back to uk sometime :D dont know when, maybe like christmas. i'm trying not to piss myself cos i have to be sensible and stuff, Lindsays got ~*~personal reasons he wants to stay in france a bit longer. idk maybe his house is like his comfort blanket or something like i still got my monkey my grandad gave me when i was a baby. but we been talking and yeah. no proper plans but it will happen. even if its back to llandudno not london thats ok, its still closer than some old 1700 haunted farm house in south france and people still talk english there even if they sound funny. so i been a bit of a pain in the arse gluing myself to estate agent windows looking at houses and swanky flats and everything, i'm trying not to. its just like all good thigns are happening all at once :) i want everyone to be happy, it feels like everythings changing but its GOOD like ollys rid of them psycho women and he's got a house now so he dont have to scrape for rent money and shit no more, and me and Lindsay are good. its weird, we are only 21. i never thought me and him would settle down so quick haha, the plan was be world famous rockstars and live out of suitcases and do lines off groupies naked arses. now i'm like...... living with this old man who wears cardis on purpose and reads too much and dont like Queen and i never known what its like being happy like this before. i like it when weird unexpected things happen and you never even known thats what you need. i see my hedwig tat in the mirror every day when i'm getting dressed and its so perfect cos thats what its like, jigsaw bits that fit each other and NOTHING ELSE in the whole 6 billion piece puzzle

oh god i'm shutting up now. i'm ordering more daquiris. oliver you should bring the starlings round our hotel in the morning and i will buy you breakfast then Lindsay can take lilly and daisy to school in his car and the other kids will think there princesses :P

if lindsay trys to make out like he had a shit time he's a total liar cos how could you have a shit time :D :D :D so tired now, its still lingering on, good tired tho but god fuckin dammit my feet hurt, i'm a permatwat and i wore new boots :/ should of learned the breaking in rule by now, my heels are like johnnys full of mince and blood then you stab through the latex so bits squoze out, yum

so get this = i'm wearing FLIP FLOPS D: D: kill me i dont want to live no more. but oh fuck its sore i cant even put plasters on cos its sore, i cant have nothing touching. it makes me sad. feet are gross, nobody should ever show there feet. i got tattoo's on mine to try and make them look less like shit but it didnt work it just made me feel sorry for rob cos he had to touch them, feet are so nasty. if i was in charge of evolution people would have wheels not feet like them animals in amber spy glass. so yeah i got MASSIVE flares on as well to hide them as much as poss, i look a hundred kinds of twat XD i use to wear flares loads before everyone started wearing skinnys cos i should of been around in like 1973, i use to dress like mark bolan and brian connolly every day.......... and i wondered why i got beat up on the estate HAHA

recap..... i'm in pain and wearing too much fabric and not enough shoe, dajve is a star and a genius and i love her more than i love my life, my yellow bedroom in ollywogs house is calling my name aluringly and i will go and sleep in it if lindsay dont mind piggybacking me up like 4 flights of stairs cos i cant walk that far

lmao the new house needs to be called treeful of starling after the album *_*

amber spyglass would be a wicked name for a drag queen :P olly that ones for you if i ever get you in a dress

cant be arsed catchign up on friendspage, no offence :P

ANYWAY me and Lindsay are in STRASBERG :D it should of took like 10 hours but i nagged him to go thr long way round cos this is all the country's i ever been to in my life: england, wales, scotland, northern ireland, south ireland, france, andora, spain. WELL now i been to italy and switzerland and germany too XD XD and it took like ALL YESTERDAY seriously like 18 hours driving not including wee stops, crafty cos the old man got dead tired and i was alowed a drive so he could kip in the passenger seat >:) haha told you i learn fast, his jag aint as nice as my ferrari but EVEN SO lskdhfljshdfkjasdkjhf nngh. and spoiled brats always want what they aint alowed :P

PARTYTIME WITH DAJVE & CO *_* oh shit i am so ready for a good party you dont EVEN KNOW <3 dont think Lindsays that chuffed :/ oh well, i owe him BIG for playing along cos he knows how much i wanted to come, either that or i just confiscate his cardi's and MAKE SURE he has a fuckin good time yeah?? :P cos i know he USE to go to raves and shit cos i seen photo's of him all young and skinny and wankered XD he just thinks he's all grown up and sophisticated now, he needs unlocking like a treasure box and its our job to find the key right?

then london after, everyone come round ollys house cos i'm having a party there whetehr he likes it or not

crawling the walls a bit, i aint left the house in like 2 days. well i been in the pool and Lindsay threatened me with a trowel til i did my share of weeding the garden DDDDDDDDD: i fucking hate gardens, they worry me like there jungles or something. i'm from a council block mate remember?? pissing myself for the weekend tho :D :D we need to go shopping tommorrow in big town, i need new t shirts and buy olly some shite pressie for his shag pad XD zebra print curtains or something, he cant say no if its a present :P HAHA or one of them door knockers shaped like a cock and balls

i feel all restless, i need to DO SOMETHING. i would go out for a walk but you dont know what its like here, if you live in london you cant even imagine how dark it is out here. :/ its nice sometimes, you can see all the stars and stuff. but its dead dark and quiet, i aint walking in that cos i will get spirited away by a willo the wisp.

aint nobody else in the world seen this film?? i forgot about it then i remembered it suddenly and i just watched it, i might watch it again now XD

( fudge, packer?? )

lindsay took me to barcelona this year :) i been looking at old posts cos i got all my tags down my side bar but there all a bit stupid or most of them are and i forget what some of them are sposed to mean XD its fun its like autobiography bingo

my first birthday me and lindsay was together for was when i was 20 and he bought me a silver audi tt convertable but i gave it his mum when we moved and my old mini too and he made me this MASSIVE chocolate cake with orange in it and smarties on top and 19 candles cos he dropped one and trod on it so he didnt want me feeling all butthurt thinking he thought i was still 19 so he got one of them match maker choclate sticks and melted a bit of the top with his lighter and stuck some yellow tissue paper int he melty bit so it looked like a candle :D i like my boyfriends having that much attention to detail XD XD


i had this dream last night michael aspel pushed me off the back of a big boat o.O you knwo michael aspel who use to do that strange but true program about poltergeists and stigmata and stuff, i dont know why the fuck i'm dreaming about him or what i ever did to him to make him feel like his life would be inriched if he pushed me off a boat. but he did he like picked me up through my belt loops and slung me off the back of this massive titanic boat and it drove off well fast so nobody even heard me shouting. and then there was no land or other boats anywhere just all this grey water all round and there was sharks but they didnt eat me, they just swum in a circle round me like in a spiral getting closer and closer and i thought they would eat me but then the spiraled out again and that hapened like 5 times and i was crying cos 1) micheal aspel hates my guts and 2) i'm so disgusting even the sharks dont want a munch. then i saw a massive tidal wave coming and it broke right over my head and i jumped when i woke up then and banged my head off the bed stead cos my pillows fell on the floor :(


its nice and sunny today, people should come here for a pool party before it gets winter XD no point having a if your on your own in there, its well boring just swimming round in circles and lindsay wont sex me up outside in case aurelie comes round unexpected cos she does sometimes :P

Lindsay and me made cakes today XD well Lindsay made cakes and i ruined one trying to ice it cos i never knew you cant just rip icing off if it goes on all creasy so he rolled icing on 2 more and i painted pics on. then i ate like a whole cake so i had to sleep off feeling sick XD i never learn. its his fault i've got this big squidgey pillow bum, i looked like a cancer patient before i met him, he's fatting me up like the wicked witch in hansel and gretel :( oh well. he's the best cook i ever met *_* i can cook pot noodles and breviles, lindsay actualy USES garlic squashers and meat mallets and shit o.O

clueless is on telly dubbed in french but i know all the words, i'm doing voices and lindsay looks like he might throw something heavy at my head in a minute :P

I DO NOT WEAR POLYESTER HAIR OK?!

shh filter. inner circle or something, fag illuminati. :P starlings an honourary member (lol member) you dont have to reply or nothing but i wanna write this down and i feel better knowing someone CAN see even if it dont get talked about you know? that sounds weird

anyway i made Lindsay talk to me. ( tl;dr )

thugs keep digging up pipes round our village and knocking out ALL FORMS OF COMUNICATION D: its hard getting a mobile signal round here anyway i think cos of all the mountains so its mainly land line and internet and then suddenly NO LINE so no phone no broadband oh god i was going out of my mind i went a bit jack nicholson in the shining, i never actualy tried killing nobody but i went off my head SCREAMING at lindsay for no reason at all. which turned out not very nice for either of us haha, i did say sorry later but i said some stupd things and now he's still upset :/ he's pretending he aint but i know him, you can KIND OF TELL if someone hates you and wants you dead when your trying to sleep in there bed, it radiates off him like stink waves in a cartoon. so i was going to sleep in my room but he told me i couldnt so i'm like........ hate me or fuck me, dont do both cos mixed messages are for girls. tmi maybe. oh well, you know we have sex, deal with it :P

i had a breakthrough with lovecattt, i was sick of everybody in this house hating me so i went down the fishmongers in town and bought him salmon and fed him bits all day which probs wasnt good for his little belly cos he shat everywhere later but maybe thats a coincidence. anyway now he keeps following me around so VICTORY FOR VALENTINE. i dont know how to make lindsay like me again, i could try hand feeding him bits of salmon but i dont think he would go for it. maybe he would apreciate the gesture. maybe not tho XD aarrgghh i cant do this. what do you DO for people who still act like arses even after you say sorry? i cant do no more, i cant change what i said. DROP IT and move on ffs. i hate fighting with him :( we're always fighting right from when we first got together we always had fights like ALL THE TIME. well ok not ALL the time but sometimes it feels like everyone else knows how to be normal and me and him dont, everythings either amazing like out some epic romantic true love film or i'm crying like a baby and he's yelling at me to shut up. i dont know how to say sorry good enough for him to believe it. i always put my foot in it, i would hate me too if i was him, i would of thrown me off a cliff ages ago. he must be WELL more patient than me but its still horrible when he dont like me :/ i cant stand people not liking me cos maybe i'm an attention whore or something but it makes me fel sick if people think i'm a twat >.< even worse when its Lindsay. i love him, i cant even think what my life would be like if i never met him but we fight all the time over STUPID STUFF usualy cos i dont know when to keep my big mouth shut and i can make words be daggers if i need to, so can he but he does it in a clever way and i'm just a fucking bitch so even if it dont get physical its still NASTY. it aint meant to be like that when your in love wih someone. everyone else has got it worked out, it cant be that hard. i dont want to fight with him but even worse than fighting its GUTTING when its all finished and he goes out driving on his own or he sits in his chair reading a book and i keep bringing him stuff like a stupid little puppy like coffee or food or beer or whatever and he dont even look up, i'm like AM I INVISIBLE OR WHAT and then he might say something like no your not invisible, just in my way all the time. maybe i'll just GO THEN. of course i wont. the good bits are worth all the rubbish bits but i wish the ratio was different

i miss london, english speakers, olly, everyone else, college, work, 10p mixes from the corner shop, telly i can understand, red buses, greasy spoon cafe breakfasts, polution, driving on the left, even bad english weather. THIS IS NOT NEWS but i wish i could make him understand how much i give up to stay with him you know?? like ok it obvs aint that much of a big deal for him moving out of england but for me IT IS cos i never even been out the uk til me and him moved here and i'm trying to not be a selfish brat about it cos you dont even know how sick he was, everyone thought he was dying and they even got a priest in and eveything just in case and if he feels better being here than THAT IS OK but i dont know how to make him think i'm not kicking off cos i like sounding like a bastard, if i get upset theres actualy a REASON for it every time and i dont mind living in france, i would live on pluto if thats where he was, but i think i'm alowed to miss people and things sometimes, that dont mean i love him less or nothing

its sad how attatched i am to my lj :( i was tryin to have some time off cos i'm online like ALL THE TIME and its well stupid me and lindsay living in the same house but he's downstairs and i'm in my bedroom and we're talking on im. but i cant do it. its like a drug.

i never lived with someone before Lindsay, i slagged round with loads of people but i only had 1 other proper boyfriend and i never lived with him, i just slept there sometimes. i been living with Lindsay like 2 years now, its mad. it dont feel like no time at all soemtimes cos i still dont know what your meant to DO. cos it aint my house maybe. and when we lives in Wales that was lindsays house too and all his stuff, i just moved in there like another possession. i need to stop saying "Lindsays house" and i should say "our house" instead cos i aint going nowhere but that feels weird like i feel like i still have to ask him if its ok to hang pictures up and stuff. i spose that just polite haha. it feels weird tho like you wouldnt go visiting somehwre and start hammering nails int he wall, thats what it feels like

so i was trying to keep off lj for a bit and we could just hang out just me and him now i aint got a job but i'm back on now (obviously.) only cos he fell asleep in front of the telly XD i should wake him up and make him go to bed else he will just complain about his bad back and stiff neck and stuff, honest to god he's like an old man whose lost his zimmer frame sometimes :P i tired him out earlier, NOT LIKE THAT sadly just walking round, we went to carcasonne cos i like stuff about crusaders and that, its like a side affect of being a robin hood fanatic ;) they filmed some of prince of thieves there i got well over excited and Lindsay was embarrassed and walked like 5 steps ahead and kept talking french to pretend we were strangers.

( LOOK )

<3

but he let me drive his jag on the way home. :) he's NEVER let me drive his car in more than 2 years since me and him got together but i was sulking about him pretending he didnt know me so he said i could and i never even had to ask. THATS TRUE LOVE

oops the old man is awake, time for bed. haha i love him when he's just woke up and he dont know whats going on and his hairs all sticking up and he's looking round going o.O like the world dont quite make sense XD

me and Lindsay flew home this morning :) i cant even get all WAAH I MISS LONDON cos i missed him more and he missed me too, i know cos he let me hold his hand in the airport waiting to board :P then we stopped at the hypermarche on the way back for food then we were sposed to make breakfast but something else happened instead whats none of your business so now we're having breafast for lunch instead, i aint allowed to cook cos i set thigns on fire so i'm just chilling out with Lovecattt, its dead weird being back its well quiet after staying with olly. i dont know what i'm doing. i should look at something probably. i mean for my job cos i aint got one no more. i dont NEED one, we dont need money or nothing, but i dont just want to sit round gettng boreder and boreder til my heart slows down and stops. I DONT KNOW. i should talk about it with Lindsay, i dont want a proper 9 to 5 in toulouse or nothing cos i dont want to be away from him that much, anyway my french is still shocking. maybe i should start a footie club for all the brats in town or something XD cos i KNOW there as bored as me, aurelies always whingeing about theres nothing to do. hmmmmmmmm

haha i already said happy birthday olly before i left this morning but it needs saying again you OLD GIT x

( killing time )

"is it in yet"

and

"scuse me love? ....oh i'm sorry MATE"

?! i can still be your love MATE, open your mind you might like it :P


me and pete made ~art~ and it's better than anything in the tate <3


going home this weekend :(

not really sadface tho, i miss lindsay like burny fire

I WILL SHOW YOU :D

( god i wish i was still this skinny :( )

editing this in cos i dont wanna spam nobody with what goes in in my STUPID head but

i had a proper suicidal moment earlier where just randomly i realised i will never get to marry hawksley workman. then i ate some jelly tots and got over it but just for them 8 seconds the pain was UNBELIEVEABLE and earth shattering and i thought i was gonna burst out crying in bumphuk and Olly would disown me forever. genuine soul crushing distress like when you realise the tooth fairy and god are just stories. why am i such a twat?? i miss Lindsay clearly it makes me go insane being away from him.



& i'm sure the darkness defines where the light is

haha i'm still in London XD its wicked, i dont wanna leave, i just wish Lindsay was here and Lovecattt and Ramona then i would be the happiest brat alive. i think i just got the sack lol, smoked too much to give a shit for now, dunno what i will feel tommorrow. ok i think. it aint like i need the money is it so no probs. it aint the SACK not realy, i just rung up and asked josee if i needed to be back dead urgent and she was like non so i was like ok cool staying in england a bit longer then! and she said peep (thats french for pip) tu ne dois pas travailler (i probs made that up, i cant talk french) so i was like oh....... and she says it aint nothing to do with me, like i'm good at the work and everything but she shouldnt of taken nobody else on cos there aint even enough work for 1 and obvs she's more important than me cos she owns the place so ok. no more job unless it gets well busy and she needs a hand :/ so what now?? i dunno. i said before maybe look for something a bit out of town but i thought it would be MY CHOICE haha. oh i dont know. maybe nothing. lurk round at home all day again and get in Lindsays way i spose. paint more. try and get some painting's in a gallery in toulouse or somrthing, that would be cool. lol yeah like i'm even good enough. i dont know what i'm doing. i should just chill out yeah?? i bet loads of people would want to swap, i'm rich and i got a ferrari and i never ever have to work another day in my whole life unless lindsay kicks me out, i aint got nothing to complain about

god i miss lindsay :( pathetic innit, i just got so used to what he smells like and how he snores, i been bunking with olly and he talks in his sleep like a spaz and i dont like it cos it wakes me up all creeped out cos theres someone whispering and moaning then i realise oh no its that twatface havign a wet dream or something. nice! home whenever Lindsay feels like it then since i'm a jobless layabout again and i dont have to get back for nothing, i just spoke to him earlier he's having a nice time hanging out with his mates. i wish we could hang out with our bffs at the same time in the same place but oh well, life is just hard sometimes :P

1. lindsay
2. ferrari 360
3. rimmel
4. trash palace
5. iphone
6. magenta skinnies
7. hairspray

yup :D

fuck knows where olly went, me and kelli wanted to go in Kingdom Cum but olly had a fit cos thats one of the places he used to strip for pennies :P so we split up and he went off with ricky and jono to look at tits or something, kelli pulled the SLAG so i'm stranded in town on my own ffs, i been txting but he aint txt back in ages, he's probs got his hand up someone

whats sadder than me standing on my own in a club in pink trousers saying no thank you i've got a boyfriend to anyone who looks at me and writing on my iphone in the corner like a billy no mates??? i dont know, maybe a weeping tramp who just got vommed on by a dog, thats quite sad, not quite as sad as me tho

fuck this shit, i'm going for a dance

OMFG today is the best day of my life since the time lindsay learnt to deepthroat while we marathoned miami ink

first me and annie went to brighton, i think she thought i ws taking the piss when i said i was dressing up like sweeney todd but when do i EVER joke about dressing up?? proper good day out, rained a it but oh well that dont stop me having mister whippy's. dead nice catching up and stuff xxx i miss the sea and i miss HAVING FRIENDS so 2 in 1 is enough to BLOW MY MIND

and then

AND THEN

got back to london just now and Ollys pissed himself cos the estate agents rung him up and we put an offer on a house the other day and it got acepted :D :D :D i swear to god if anythign goes wrong now i will fucking cut someone up like a birthday cake cos omfg look at the address

mr oliver starling
69 bluebell rise

BLUE BALL RISE

the only thing that could make my life more perfect right now is if i had some jelly bbies so i'm going down the shops. Ollys mums babysitting tonight cos me and him are going out partying, txt if you wanna meet later

BLUE BALL RISE LMAO

aw but seriously even that aside i'm dead happy :D its a fuckin scumhole this estate, like it werent ALL bad growing up there cos loads of the people are decent and just getting on with shit but its full of dole scroungers and junkies and gang twats and it just aint nice for kids, Blue ball rise all the houses got there own big gardens and theres 6 bedrooms so they can have 1 each even sam when he goes round for weekends and stuff then theres a spare for me and Lindsay ;)

still laughing XD

i couldnt stick it in manchester that long, Lindsays mates do my head in >.< well Dannys ok if Ty dont start it first, i aint sure he's got the brains to start anything first, he's a proper computer genius but totaly remedial with everyhing else, but Tys just a bastard to me all the time. Lindsay says shut up and put up and its all in my head anyway, well annoying cos he's kind of right. like even if they dont say nothing horribl to my face there still just off with me, i aint that paranoid i'm gonna make up people hating me when they dont. i know they hate me, thats ok, i aint exactly a massive fan of there's either. so yeah, dead good seeing Lindsay for a bit :D pathetic, i missed him after like 5 mins. and jones was WILD, got to come back over soon and hang out properly cos you cant bother a man too much when he's working an that but it was wicked, i'm glad we went <3 so i come back today and met Sammy and his mum and her boyfriend in town cos he's with Olly for the weekend, i'm babysitting tonight which basically means pizza takeaway and high school musical. class. i seen pete for a picnic so that was mega ace <3 i made sandwiches and everything, couldnt fit a blanket in my bag, sorry i'm a shit picnic host. ANNIE seaside tommorrow?? i could only hire a fuckin crappy citroen cos if your 21 obvs your gonna crash and you stop being a shit driver soon as your 22 or something? idk but i wanted a lotus and they wouldnt give it me the CUNTS even if i can pay, i should of told them i'm in a boy band or something and my sugar dady simon cowell is coming round to smash there faces in

umm..... yeah thats me. i'm here til monday night then our flights about half eight i think, meeting Lindsay at the airport. Cant be arsed reading back my friendspage, i'm on HOLIDAY \o/ anyway Humuhumunukunukuapua'a is about to start and Daisys making me be ryan.